Into Insanity
by ThePurpleRose
Summary: Self insert-ish. Lara doesn't realise it's possible to get sucked into a game wrong. Until she wakes up to a war zone to realise she's not only trapped in a video game, but 4000 years before it actually started.
1. Chapter 1

**AN: Okay, I have to admit, I've been toying with this idea for quite a long time. I've seen so many self inserts now, I thought I should have a go. That and, I wanted to get back into being able to write a first person story for when I finish last November's NaNoWriMo. But because of this, and because I would not know how to write myself into a fic for toffee, my 'self insert' isn't really myself. Buuut, since I've unofficially challenged myself to try every genre at least once, I figured I should do a self insert. So we have a character with a name and a background similar to mine but who actually isn't me. So instead of Lauren, you have Lara.**

**But yeah, the couple of chapters I've written of this so far have been quite fun to do. I'm definitely feeling more up to that rewrite of NaNo II. ^_^**

**Also I hate to swear in writing for some strange, unknown reason, so you'll see some interesting phrases. You'll see some interesting phrases anyway because of my weird writing style, but yeah... So please bear with the 3****rd**** person-esque lapses...**

**But yeah, I hope you'll like it! ^_^**

_**Disclaimer: I don't own ToS, but I do own the 'self insert' character.**_

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><p>I opened my eyes into the ultimate fog of confusion, the world around me a mess of blues and blacks and reds and purples. I thought I saw some green shapes above them but ignored them and closed my eyes again. What was the point in staying semi-awake when the world refused to make sense of itself? Sleep was much better. Granted, it didn't make much sense either, but at least that was what it was supposed to do.<p>

Someone else, on the other hand, had other ideas of what I wanted.

"Look; she's waking up," a guy's voice floated around me. It was a nice voice, deep, velvety and soothing in a strange, baritone way.

Another voice joined the first, a rough hand shaking me out of my nice, possible sleep in the fog. "Hello? Hey, hello?"

I prised my eyes open again, the fog clearing away, my vision sharpening with each shake to my shoulder. And the world still didn't make any sense.

"Hello, can you tell me your name?" the second voice asked. I gawped up at the man kneeling next to me, leaning over me, his blue ponytail blocking out the sun, which shone in the sky behind his head.

"You have blue hair," I blurted out, my eyes most likely as wide as saucers (of the flying variety) as I stared at the cape wearing, blue-haired man in front of me. It had finally happened. I knew it; I'd actually gone insane. I'd never been the sanest of individuals, but I'd just taken it to whole new, dream-tastic levels.

Unless I was still dreaming. But then, dream people don't have rough hands, and you certainly don't feel them shake you, or the cold of their hands as they frown and check the temperature of your forehead while you maintain the stupid stare thing you've got going for you.

The man's green eyes narrowed as he retracted his hand. "Yes, my hair is blue," he responded. "You fancy telling me your name now?"

I blinked. He had blue hair, a definitive scowl and a cape.

He sighed. "She's clearly got a screw loose or some major problem with half-elves. You try."

He faded from my field of vision, a new, spiky haired figure taking his place. An auburn, spiky haired figure with a frown.

It was Kratos Aurion. In my insanity, I was having hallucinations of Kratos and Yuan from Tales of Symphonia. I would never live this down, assuming I ever lived through this at all. Most hallucinating people saw bright lights or haloes around people, or thought they were hearing the voice of God. I saw Kratos and Yuan. And they still both thought I was bonkers. Couldn't I at least have had some semblance of sanity in this artificial world?

"My name is Kratos," he said, patiently. "Would you like to tell me your name?"

I gaped up at him. Kratos Aurion looked back. So _that_ was how his hair looked in three dimensions – I couldn't say the real world, but it was as close as I'd get to Kratos Aurion in the real world. Unless he was on paper or a cosplayer. My thoughts were wandering and he was still waiting for an answer.

He gave up on it. "Alright then," he accepted. "Can you tell me how you came to be just off the battlefield like that?"

Could I? Probably not. Would he accept, _'I've spent way to long staring at that flashing line on the laptop and I'm hallucinating about your existence and your 3D hair,'_ as an excuse? Probably not.

Truthfully, I barely remembered eating my dinner. I closed my eyes, furrowing my eyebrows in a bid to remember what I was doing before the mandatory 'You're insane!' hallucination had snatched me up.

_The line on my blank Word document blinked up at me teasingly. I grimaced, tapping my fingers impatiently on the keys, chewing at my lip. It was so tempting, but no, I was doing coursework, not fanfiction, however much I wanted to – or at least, I would have been doing coursework, if my brain was actually working in an 'I-will-not-fail-at-life' kind of way._

_I sighed. I tapped, I chewed. My stomach growled. I grimaced. I tapped. I decided I'd be so much happier if I got up, got myself a fresh glass of water and nabbed a cookie from the kitchen. I went with that plan._

_Ah, beloved cookies, how I'd missed you. I took one, not bothering with a plate, instead balancing the cookie of top of my glass of water so I could flick the lights off as I clambered over the baby-gate that was still there to keep the dogs out of the living room. I plonked myself back in my chair, staring at the laptop that I'd balanced on the arm of it. In doing that, I'd only managed to waste five minutes._

_And that blinking line was still mocking me._

_I took a ferocious bite out of my cookie, wondering why I couldn't be a genius, and rich, and not have work to do for this particular subject. I came to the conclusion that life, sadly, wasn't some video game, however awesome that would be, and that I clearly wasn't going to get anything productive done tonight. I made an executive decision to switch off the laptop, pick up the manga next to it and retreat to my bedroom, where I threw myself onto the bed and began to read the starting speech of Tales of Symphonia yet again._

_What? It was mildly educational; I was reading it in French._

_The next thing I was aware of was the room darkening in front of my eyes and fading with my consciousness as I fell asleep._

That was why Kratos and Yuan were in my crazyland; I'd been reading about them. It made sense in a crazy kind of way, though I supposed anything could make sense in a crazy kind of way if you thought about it. However, I hadn't heard of procrastination-induced hallucinations before. It looked like I'd invented them. It didn't look like I'd get to go to the beach the next day though.

I let out a pitiful sigh before chewing on my lips anxiously, wondering how the heck I could get out of this and back on my bed so I could go catch some sun, eat some doughnuts and ice cream and get my backside handed to me at the arcade. I hated missing out on things when everyone else got to have a great time out there.

My eyes flickered open into a pair of frowns directed down at me.

"It doesn't seem like she's all there," Yuan commented. "That would explain how she ended up on the edge of the battlefield in her nightdress."

In my nightdress?

I sat myself bolt upright, Yuan having to jump back to avoid the direct collision of our skulls as Kratos remained perfectly still, his face just out of my way. I looked down to be met with the sight of my beloved sleepwear – a white nightdress that was actually short enough to be a T-shirt, was partially see-through and had threads hanging off it, my oldest one, especially for those nice, warm nights when Mum had had the heating on anyway and my room became a greenhouse. In other words, I discovered that while my brain could conjure up perfect illusions (or should that be delusions?) of Kratos and Yuan, it did not have the courtesy to put me in some actual clothes that I would allow myself to be seen in.

The illusions were both staring at me, Yuan like I'd grown another head (or maybe some clothes) and Kratos expectantly.

"Hello," the latter tried again, clearly assuming I hadn't been completely awake before.

"Hi," I squeaked, subconsciously attempting to cover up the areas I was most worried about showing should the parts of my attire be more see-through than I'd initially thought.

Kratos noticed my discomfort, turning to Yuan and beckoning to him as he suggested, "Give her your cape."

Yuan scowled but begrudgingly honoured the request, dropping the item heavily over my shoulders. I wrapped it around myself gratefully, shielding my body both from their view and the cold I hadn't released was that gripping.

As I happily snuggled in to the warm, cosy cape (my brain had made something right!), Kratos cleared his throat. "My name is Kratos Aurion," he repeated. "And my companion is Yuan Ka-Fai."

"I'm..." I began, deflating rapidly. Should I give them my real name? Or should I make one up? Why was I thinking about this? I could've called myself something ridiculous like 'Lampface' or something and it wouldn't have mattered. I was clearly insane.

But then, my name was one of the few things I definitely wasn't imagining. Unless I'd been insane all along, and that didn't bear thinking about. "I'm Lara," I decided, firmly.

Kratos nodded, his expression serious. I had the sudden urge to poke him to see if he was real, even though I knew he wasn't and my mind was only making things up to entertain my crazy impulses.

"And do you know how you came to be so close to the battlefield?"

I shook my head. "No," I answered, honestly. I knew where I had been before this whatever-this-was had happened, but I had no idea how I got from there to here. Crazy people were generally usually crazy. Weren't they? There were signs, surely. Someone would've noticed something off about me.

I mean, sure, they said I was crazy for actually eating that bread that got dropped in the vinegar, but they dared me to do it!

Yuan somehow managed to look unconvinced. Should I have made up some excuse? Spun some tale about being attacked or something? That I didn't know how I got here was one of the only things I did know, and I wasn't backing down! And that really didn't make much sense...

"I see," Kratos responded.

Well if he saw, I wanted to know what he saw. If he understood what was going on so much, I at least expected him to share that knowledge. I stared, hoping he was going to elaborate, maybe spout some theory of how I got here or at least that someone would say something to break the silence. But Kratos merely stared back in a staring contest I would never have stood a chance at winning.

Then he sighed, lifted a hand to rub at his temples and looked over at Yuan.

"Well, we can't just leave her here," he concluded.

"We can," Yuan argued. He had been one of my favourite characters of the game, mostly for the blue hair and cape, I'll admit, but still, I had liked him. I was liking him significantly less in this made-up reality.

Kratos sent a withering glare in his direction. Based on that, I was liking him and his 3D hair so much more. "Yuan..." he began.

Yuan made a slight 'tsk' noise. "No," he denied, shaking his head disapprovingly and folding his arms in the exact posture of his game self.

Kratos continued to fix him with a stony stare.

"Oh come on, Kratos," Yuan protested. "We don't have time for this. You know full well that town is a four hour walk in the direction we've just come from. Mithos and Martel are waiting for us; you know they'll think the worst if we don't show up." He shrugged off Kratos' visual objections, turning back to me and grabbing my shoulder to point behind Kratos' head. "Look, if you walk that way, you should start to see some houses in about three to four hours."

I couldn't even think of a response. Was I supposed to go along with them or should I go to the town and wait to become sane again? What were you supposed to do in this situation? Funnily enough, it wasn't something I'd ever considered before now.

Kratos was having no such problems. He was folding his arms now, wearing a frown identical to Yuan's. "I don't like this," he said harshly.

Yuan retorted, "Tough. You've got the facts. That's how it is. It's enough that we've taken her away from the outskirts of the battlefield and carried her here. You can't go playing knights anymore, Kratos."

"And you can't really have become so bitter that you can't help people when they need it," the auburn haired man responded. "How can we save the world when we can't even help those in front of us?"

Yuan groaned, his shoulders slumping as he realised he was beaten. I inwardly smiled, watching the exchange in front of me avidly. Not only would this determine which path this hallucination was going to take, but it was kind of like watching a show. I didn't belong here, so I didn't feel involved in this at all. I was just an observer, even if I was one whose bum was starting to feel damp from the grass that carpeted the little clearing we were in.

"It'll take us eight hours, Kratos," he moaned. "_Eight_ hours. We won't meet Mithos and Martel until well into tomorrow. And Martel will worry."

"I know," Kratos replied with a small smirk. "That's why I think we should take her with us."

Go with them? Where were they even going? This wasn't the game I knew; how was I supposed to know if I should go with them or not?

"Take her with us?" Yuan spluttered. "That's insane! She'll slow us down."

"She'd slow us down more if we took her back to town," Kratos reasoned.

"It's a long journey," Yuan listed, "We have to go around the battlefields. It will be dangerous. Kratos, we don't even know where we could take her!"

"You said we can't take her back to town," Kratos argued. "With the war, she'll be in danger wherever she is, more so if we leave her here-"

"I meant dangerous for us," I heard Yuan mutter darkly under his breath.

"- and we'll reconvene with Martel and Mithos then we can drop her off in the nearest village," Kratos finished. "Now is there anything else or can we move out?"

Yuan sighed, awarding Kratos with a resigned look before shaking his head and standing, looking strangely naked without his cape now his posture wasn't hiding the lack of it. "Alright, we need to leave. She'll need a break so we'd better get started. I hope she's used to travelling."

He stalked over to a pair of packs and rummaged through it, appearing to check the stuff inside before my attention was switched to Kratos, who offered a hand to help me up, now standing himself. I took it, strangely surprised by how tall he was compared to me. But then, I'd never been particularly tall. I was supposedly average height for a woman, but in reality I was shorter than most of my friends, except the ones who were really short.

"Thanks," I said, prompting a nod from the tall swordsman in recognition.

I was going with them. I didn't know how long I would be with them, probably until my brain decided a change of scenery was necessary in this dream-like world, but I would get to tag along with half of the team who would save the original world. If I was lucky, I might even get to meet the other half before they decided to palm me off on the locals.

But either way, even if I didn't know where I was, what I was doing, where I was going, or even why all this was happening, it was sure to be an adventure. For a little while at least.

I watched Yuan huff impatiently as Kratos retrieved his pack, pulling Yuan's cape tighter around my body to block out the cold, taking a step in their direction. The damp grass prickled at my feet as I moved unsteadily towards them. They watched my progress with matching frowns on their faces.

"She doesn't have any shoes," Kratos observed.

Of course I didn't. I looked down at my cold, wet feet in distaste. This was going to be a long journey.

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><p><strong>AN: And that's the end of the first chapter. Thanks for reading! ^_^<strong>

**And as always, your reviews feed the author and are much appreciated even if they just say 'hi', and constructive criticism is equally welcome because I'm always up for improving my writing.**

**Until next chapter (hopefully),**

**~ThePurpleRose**


	2. Chapter 2

**AN: Okay, slightly odd and very long chapter. But it's kinda necessary. I'm not entirely happy with it and I feel you can really tell where I stopped writing in August 2011 then picked it up again in either November or December.**

**Next chapter will be better! I'm planning at the moment to be able to fit Mithos and Martel into next chapter.**

**I have exciting things planned for this fic. So please bear with the slow parts.**

_**Disclaimer: I do not own ToS. But I do own 'Lara' and other aspects of this warped Kharlan War story.**_

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><p>Yuan's cape was significantly warmer wrapped around me when we were moving, I mused. Yuan had said we weren't far from the battlefield but that was difficult to imagine with the trees all around us and the only sounds being the swish of the cape as I walked and my less than silent footsteps. The stiff boots on my feet clunked as I moved, the buckles rattling, much to the obvious irritation of Yuan.<p>

I didn't care; the sound may have been annoying but I was just lucky Mithos had small feet and that Kratos had bought him a more masculine pair of shoes than his own while the pair had been in Hima. I felt a little guilty for stealing his new shoes, but as it was, my feet had been too cold and the ground was too rough for me to care that much.

"Where are we going?" I asked, the silence and the monotony of walking starting to get to me.

Yuan sighed. "Palmacosta."

Palmacosta, I mused. In the game, it had been Sylvarant's biggest city. I wondered if that was so now as well. I also thought I remembered something about there once being a king there. (Or was that Asgard?) That was the extent of my knowledge, other than the memory of the game layout of it, though that was bound to be wrong. After all, it was really a city, not just a small selection of buildings and a steamship.

I concluded that, aside from seeing it (and who knew how long I'd even be in this hallucination?), there was only one way to find out. "So," I queried, "what's Palmacosta like?"

I could feel Yuan's glare from here. It was clear he was either still sore from being beaten down into submission by Kratos or that he wasn't much of a conversationalist. But then, neither was Kratos. And with Yuan bristling in the lead, and Kratos silently striding along at the back, there was a lot of silence going on and some of it was starting to get awkward.

Eventually, Yuan replied sharply, "It's a city like any other city. The King lives there and there's a harbour. That's all you need to know. Now if you could be quieter, it would be great. We don't want to attract any more monsters than your noisy movements already are."

I wondered briefly what had pulled his ponytail this morning. We'd been walking for an hour and a half at the very least, though it seemed like so much longer, and we had yet to encounter a single monster. But I kept quiet; I preferred it to remain that way.

Unfortunately for me, it didn't. I barely heard the rustle of the bushes that signalled that we had company. Kratos, on the other hand, had unsheathed his sword and pulled me backwards, out of the way, in the time it had taken me to even look in the direction of the sound.

Yuan leapt aside as a pair of wolf-like creatures barrelled through the undergrowth. I took in a sharp breath. Those things were huge! It was like they were part wolf, part bear and part I-didn't-know-what – something with spear-like yellow fangs anyway. I was glad Kratos was between me and them. I hoped that wouldn't change.

Sadly, it did. Kratos launched himself into the fray, positioned between the two beasts, while Yuan effortlessly pulled the plain, steel double sabre from his back. He sliced it across the flank of the one that was poised to attack Kratos' exposed back.

I remained planted in place like the trees around us, with less control over my movement than one of their leaves. I couldn't help, even if I had a weapon, even if I knew how to use one. I didn't think I even wanted to. All I wanted to do was run and only the crushing fact that I wouldn't last a second on my own and the paralysis of my rigid body stopped me.

All I could do was stare in horror at the blood spilled from the wolves and the way in which neither Kratos nor Yuan was bothered by it in the slightest. The pungent, copper odour stung my nose, stabbing the back of my throat. I hadn't thought about that. I hadn't thought about how the fights would really be, all the blood, violence, danger and death.

Kratos' wolf yelped as he dealt a jagged wound to the creature's chest, flying through the air to land, broken on the ground, the momentum of its attack only serving to injure it more. It didn't move from there, shaking and whimpering as its life drained away, soaking into the dry earth. With a single blow, Kratos put it out of his misery, the distraction of one wolf falling giving Yuan an opening to cast a spell as Kratos kept its attention away from him, and from me.

I shrank back, watching as the other wolf fought with renewed vigour after the demise of its companion, growling, its sharp teeth exposed as Kratos fought against it. It seemed like it had been an age, when really it hadn't been more than a couple of minutes. But finally, with a cry of "Lightning!", it crumpled in on itself like a dying spider, charred, blackened and steaming.

I clapped my hands over my mouth in an attempt to block out the awful smell of burnt flesh, focussing my gaze and my thoughts on Kratos and Yuan – the only illusions that were still living, that still carried a semblance of humanity. Kratos examined a tear in his sleeve and Yuan strode to the right, nudging one of the corpses with the end of his double sabre.

He said something and Kratos replied but I didn't process what they said. I couldn't. I could only look at the lifeless bodies of the creatures. They looked like dogs, mutilated pets, just with sharper teeth and the remnants of a snarl at their lips. I screwed my eyes closed to block out that image. I could almost imagine my pet dogs in their place. My stomach lurched at this horrible thought plus the gut wrenching stench of death.

I only just stumbled to the side in time to avoid being pounced on by another large beast leaping from the foliage behind me. I didn't even manage to scream before my back slammed into a tree trunk.

I looked up to find three more wolves, two launching themselves at Kratos and Yuan and the other pinning me to the tree with its amber eyes.

Oh God.

I was completely wrong. This was not a hallucination. This was a nightmare. It had to be. It started out nicely enough, then BANG! Enter the monster determined to rip me to shreds and use me to line its monster stomach.

Wake up! I screamed at myself. Wake up wake up wake up!

For one horrible, long moment, time stood still and we simply stared. It was a nightmare. It wasn't real. I was dreaming. I was dreaming. I was going to wake up. But no matter how much my mind uttered this phrase, it couldn't convince my galloping heart.

Then the wolf snarled, spittle flying from its teeth as it pushed off from the ground, straight at me.

Dream or no dream, this time I couldn't stop myself screaming and it was probably loud enough to wake Lloyd in a classroom four thousand years in future with the way it echoed from the trees. But I threw myself to the side, just out of range of the deadly teeth aimed at my throat. There wasn't time to think, only time for instincts and my instincts led to me snatching up a broken branch and swinging it with all my strength at the beast as I scrambled to my feet.

Because I was dreaming. And I wasn't a weak coward with the hand-eye coordination of a toddler. I was my own hero. I had to be. But even if I wasn't I would wake up. There was no death, there was only waking up. My mantra gave me strength. I couldn't fail. Either way, I was going to win. But that didn't slow my panting breaths.

My strike hit home, slamming into the thing's shoulder. But it only served to make it angrier and it flew for me again.

Another piercing shriek. Another instinctive insight.

I raised my branch just in time as the weight of the wolf's body knocked me to the ground. Its jaws closed around it. I struggled to suck air into my lungs, bright lights flashing before my eyes, but I pushed against the branch with every ounce of energy I could summon, the wolf's saliva coating the branch and dripping down onto my newly exposed nightdress. The only thought running through my head was that I was not dying in my own procrastination induced hallucination or nightmare or whatever the heck it was. There was no way I was letting my own mind murder me.

Even if I couldn't be murdered.

But ultimately, I wasn't very strong. And the wolf was. My arms trembled with the force of holding back the jaws of death as they gnashed at the branch that was the barrier between us. It was just getting stronger. I gritted my teeth but I couldn't push back.

I was going to lose.

I was going die.

Why wasn't I waking up?

The branch began to splinter under the monster's assault. That did it.

"I am not losing to you!" I screamed, channelling the last of my failing strength into a violent shove backwards.

It did the job. It pushed the wolf back a foot. But it also snapped the branch that was the only weapon I had. And the wolf was free to get me.

Understanding dawned in its unforgiving eyes. There wasn't time to acknowledge my mistake. There wasn't time to look for Kratos or Yuan. There wasn't even time to scream. There was only time for my eyes to widen in horror before the wolf was coming at me again, and not even enough time to blink before the end.

I just had time for a frantic gasp. Then the wolf was there.

Then it wasn't.

Another wolf burst from the trees behind me and met the one yearning for my blood head on, pinning it to the earth by my feet, snarling ferociously. Only this wolf wasn't a wolf. This one was big enough to ride, green and white and had ears like wings.

I gaped. I didn't even have the energy to move. My instincts screamed at me to back away, seek protection, find another branch to buy more time just in case another wolf would see me as an adequate meal, but I had crashed. And my arms screamed in a pain that was too real for this world, too real to be part of my normal life. So I just watched in awe as Noishe gripped the wolf by the back of the neck and flung it furiously into the path of Yuan's weapon, into death's clutches.

The only sounds were the death throes of my attacker and Noishe's panting as he padded over to me and whined. Again, I continued to stare. And again, Kratos noticed, jogging over as soon as the wolves were vanquished.

"He's not a monster," he assured me, kneeling at my side. His eyes were checking me over for injuries but he hadn't yet sheathed the sword that dripped blood onto the floor by his ankle, still grasped tightly in his hand. "His name is Noishe. He's my... dog. You may pet him if you wish."

I blinked. Noishe whined, his ears drooping slightly. I slowly lifted a hand and placed it on his furry head. It was soft. It was insanely soft, soft and silky. I immediately began to stroke him, an automatic smile taking charge of my face as he whined again and rubbed his head against me. I focussed on this – anything that wasn't danger because now the danger had passed, I could think again. And I didn't want to think. About the wolves, about my sanity, about anything. So I didn't. I focussed on Noishe's lolling tongue and petted the creature before me, pretending he was more dog than wolf, more pet than monster, more fluff than fear.

I didn't think Noishe could be so scary in three dimensions and yet so adorable at the same time. And yet, here I was with arms that throbbed like a beating heart and hands that probably had branch burn after watching the protozoan save my sorry self then rub against my hands with his head like he really was the dog Kratos claimed he was.

I wondered if Kratos knew he was a protozoan and hadn't want to freak me out by revealing he was a mythical creature of legend or if he, like his son in many, many, many (I didn't think there could be enough 'many's) years to come, really classified Noishe as a dog.

"Hey there, Noishe," I said softly, stroking his even silkier ears. I ignored the hoarse waver of my voice. "Thanks for saving me."

Noishe's mouth opened in something strangely close to a smile, as close as a canine could get. I could see the intelligence in his eyes. But then, I knew he was a protozoan and not a dog, and Lloyd and co. hadn't had that knowledge. And he did look more like a dog than any other animal, even if he didn't look much like a dog.

A loud sound rumbled in the protozoan's throat and my hand shot back as I flinched backwards instinctively.

"Hmm, interesting," a deep voice pointed out.

I looked up to see that Kratos had sheathed his sword and was now kneeling down beside me, a small smile on his face. "Noishe doesn't usually like new people." He paused to give Noishe a pat then turn to regard me with serious eyes. "Are you alright?"

Was I? Was I really? I was alive so I guessed I must be. But at the same time, there was so much wrong with this situation. I didn't know where I was, what I was doing, what was going on inside my twisted head – because it had to be twisted to make me hallucinate _this_ – or even who I was anymore. Heck, I didn't even know if my hallucination was a hallucination at all; it wasn't a dream – I couldn't wake up. And I didn't know why. And I was just so completely and utterly drained that I couldn't even try to make any sense of it. I didn't want to think about it. I was numb on the inside.

I hoped that numbness didn't go away. If it did, I'd have to deal with all this all over again. If this was what living an adventure was like then I didn't want it. I just wanted to go home, where the most offensive smell was wet dog, not dead wolf. I shuddered, blocking out the image, forcing myself to focus on Kratos' still form.

He frowned.

"Yes," I answered. "I'm fine."

His frown deepened but he nodded his head stiffly. I didn't think he believed me but I didn't really care either. Normally I would've made a joke about it that really wasn't funny just to break the tension in my own head. But I was exhausted, both mentally and physically and at that moment, I no longer cared which world my head had forced me into just as long as I was safe now, just as long as I could sleep this all away.

Noishe nudged my hand with a low whine, snapping me back to reality again – if it was real at all. I realised Kratos was still hovering around me, his frown even deeper.

"I'm fine," I assured him. My voice sounded far away to my own ears.

"I asked if you wanted a drink," he replied, something in his tone sounding almost accusing.

Was I thirsty? I didn't know. But Kratos, it seemed, did know even if I didn't, because he unscrewed the lid to his canteen and held it close to my face anyway. I stared stupidly for a second before lifting my hand to grab it, slightly irritated to find that they were trembling slightly and stinging. Kratos pulled the canteen away before I could take it, replacing the lid and setting it down by his knee.

"Wha-" I began, to be cut off as he took my quivering hand, which was still poised to take the unavailable water, in his own larger one. I stopped mid word, staring down at where our hands joined.

His hand was warm. I could feel his calloused skin against mine as he carefully turned my hand over and examined the raw red skin of my palms. I hissed as one of his long fingers brushed a particularly painful part. Pain, real pain. As real as the suffocating scent of blood. As real as the terror I'd felt beneath the adrenaline that had overwhelmed my senses when I had really believed I would die.

This was real.

Even if I was hallucinating, this was real to me _now_. And I was very much stuck in the now. Even if it was completely alien to me. There was nothing I could to but live through this – and I would have to live it. I couldn't treat it as a dream, as though at the slightest hint of harm I could wake up. Because I'd tried that. And I didn't. My own mind had failed me.

And now I was stuck. And even my mind was stuck because all I could think of was that I was trapped here. What if I never got back to normality? What if the next wolf killed me? Was my body still on my bed? Was this my body? Who was I now? Was I even the same person?

I didn't know even these simple things we always take for granted and the thought didn't just unsettle me; it terrified me. I can't describe the feeling of just not knowing. You could think I was weak to be so affected by it but it wasn't just not knowing, it was being trapped in the unknown. It was less like stumbling along blindly in the dark and more like being captured, wrenched away from safety then having your arms bound by a strait jacket, your eyes blindfolded and your ears plugged and being forced in various directions by a kidnappers whose own position you had no chance of ever guessing.

All I could do was hobble along as told and hope it would lead to freedom. All I could do was trust that two fictional figments were really on my side. All I had to work with were stories – no, not even that; my only knowledge of this came from snippets of time warped tales from yet another work of fiction. Who was to say I was even travelling with the good guys? The victor was always the hero, good or bad, because the winner was the only one left to tell the story. The one who won had the power to tell the story as they liked whether it happened like that or not.

Kratos' fingers pulled at mine and I realised with a jolt that I'd closed them into a fist. I opened them and he rubbed some kind of ointment into them wordlessly. I gasped at the sudden stinging sensation and jerked my hand out of his grasp reflexively but he merely reached forwards and took it back. I hadn't even noticed him getting the stuff. I wondered how long I'd managed to close myself off but, as usual, there was no way of knowing. I could have asked Kratos but would I even get the truth if I did?

A long sigh came from behind me and I flinched at the sudden sound, my new found survival instincts rearing their heads.

"I told you we shouldn't have brought her with us." It was Yuan. Exasperation echoed in his words.

Kratos looked up from my hand, his fingers halting in their ministrations, his eyes narrowing in a hard look. But I noticed there was a tiredness in his eyes, a hint of doubt in his decision. I didn't know why, because I knew full well that I was definitely a burden to them, but I felt something drop in my chest, a pang of sadness or regret. I wasn't even sure.

I wanted to say something to break the stone-like silence that weighed so heavily on us but I had nothing to say.

"Sorry," I eventually muttered as Kratos dropped my hand and picked up the next one.

He froze, his hand tightening its grip in a shocked twitch. From behind me, I heard a rustling movement.

"So she is alive in there," Yuan commented flippantly.

I turned my head to see him sitting on the ground with his legs out in front of him and his arms raised behind his head as he leaned against a tree trunk. As I watched, he pushed himself forwards and lifted a leg so he could rest his elbow on it and observe me in return. For a moment, we just stared at each other, my stare becoming progressively more irritated as he continued to watch without telling me what he actually wanted with me. His lips twitched into an amused smirk at my reaction. Whatever it was he hoped to gain from watching me watch him, I didn't know. He wasn't so confusing in the game. On the contrary, he seemed to be the one who was confused, despite pretending not to be.

The staring match was broken as I bit back the hiss that threatened to escape at Kratos' application of ointment to my other hand. I had almost forgotten he'd still got hold of it.

Yuan chuckled. "Glad you're enjoying it."

"What?" I didn't think there was any other response I could've given. I wanted to know what the heck he was on about.

"The ointment," he elaborated. He was still amused. Probably by my suffering. "I made it."

"That's why it's so bad," Kratos' voice rumbled. I could feel his fingertips rubbing in the cold cream but I didn't turn to look at him, instead staring at the mock affront on Yuan's face.

"It is not bad!" he protested, almost gently. It was like he was either unsure or playful. I went for the former.

"It's heavy," Kratos countered, slowly releasing my hand.

"Heavy isn't bad," Yuan concluded adamantly, continuing without giving time for Kratos to argue otherwise, "And if you've finished then let's start walking again. You know we really need to be away from this area by nightfall." He paused, just watching the character over my shoulder before adding quickly, "Just in case. You know."

"Hmm," Kratos responded, replacing the lid on the jar of ointment without looking at either of us. "You're right." He got up in one swift move and returned the ointment to the pack at his feet, which he swung over his shoulder. More quietly, he said, "Let's move out."

I tucked my knees under myself, using the tree trunk beside me as leverage to get me to one knee. I didn't know how long I'd actually sat there but a wave of cramp was making its way up both of my legs, which were, aside from that, numb with how long I'd sat unmoving in that position.

A hand suddenly swam into my vision. I took it and used it and the tree to haul myself on to feet that throbbed in complaint at my abuse. Kratos only spared me one look that I could see through his hair, then turned and stood a few feet away by another tree, where Noishe was waiting.

"Are you planning to walk anytime soon?" Yuan commented, adjusting the straps on his pack.

I stumbled towards Kratos obediently. My muscles protested with every step and the drying ointment still stung at the skin of my palms but I was alive.

I guessed.

* * *

><p><strong>AN: As I said at the top, I'm really not happy with this chapter. But it seems the more I mess with it, the worse it gets. So I've kinda cut my losses. But if you have any constructive criticism I can work with to improve it, that would be great. I know the fight scene starts in a very distanced way. But I couldn't see a way to put it seriously while the character still believes she's dreaming and therefore not in any real danger.<strong>

**But yeah, I shouldn't be encountering that problem in the following chapters. So I hope you're enjoying the story so far!**

**Thanks for the reviews everyone and thanks for reading!**

**Here's hoping I'll be hearing from you again,**

**~ThePurpleRose (who has suddenly gone oddly formal and blames the diet of cake, cake and frozen veg) :)**

**P.S. Reviews put a smile on my face ^_^**


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